Diary of A SoulFood Queen💛🙏🏽💜Embracing Self-Love and Self-Care – It’s Important to Learn How to Comfort Yourself at Times

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Well, when I woke up this morning, I didn’t think I would be writing an impromptu blog, but here I am, back at it again, because 5 minutes into watching one of our Elevate Sis on Facebook live, doing her first Live on a series called Dear Me, I found myself crying, just sobbing, borderline ugly crying!!! For so many reasons, I was feeling so many different emotions all at once, pride, gratitude, happiness sorrow, despair and so I just started writing and unpacking and here we are three hours later lol. Oh yes, where are my manners, Grand Risings you beautiful beings! How are you? ❤️🙏🏽

So here I am, sharing more of what my self-love and healing journey can look like and feel like for me! I am learning to be vulnerable again, with myself, and with others. I told myself that being vulnerable over the past 2 to 3 years with loved ones has caused me nothing but loss, I have lost family, I have lost friends, and navigating this new normal has not been easy, it has been tough, it has felt lonely. All because I told myself that it was my vulnerability that made me lose people and things, when if I am being honest with myself, it was my lack of being able to take accountability and responsibility for myself, thoughts, feelings and my actions in certain situations and what I chose to make that mean! What I am learning however, is nothing is truly lost, energy just transforms, we need to create space in our lives by decluttering physically, mentally, and spiritually for more abundance, connection, and alignment to our true authentic, higher selves to come in, which upon reflection today, is also a lot of the things I have gained through this process of “loss”!!! Huh, go figure!!!

It has been 3 years since I published my first blog post, and honestly, I did not think it would be this long since I published another! I thought after getting the first one out there, that I had conquered my fears and limiting beliefs on speaking my truth and being vulnerable, HA! The Universe has a funny sense of humour and usually quickly puts me to the test!!! Enter the Universe throwing a spanner in the works to test my resolve and what I thought it was I had learned and overcome.  When will I learn to keep my mouth shut and get my ego to take a seat lol!!!!

 After sharing my first-ever blog on my self-love journey, I felt proud for stepping out of my comfort zone, putting myself out there, and sharing my truth after not using my voice for so long!!! You know, feeling good and getting ready to use the momentum to keep sharing more consistently. And by doing so, in the process hopefully helping others in some way, shape, and form!

So, when someone asked me a question as to why I wrote and published the blog and what was my intention behind it, do you know what I did??? What I used to do best, I took it personally, I made myself wrong, I got defensive, and used my feelings and emotions I attached to that quality question, as an excuse to not publish another Diary of a SoulFood Queen Blog until now!!! Instead of just taking a deep breath in the moment and choosing to answer the question and respond, I chose to react instead of respond, poorly I may add! I am a work in progress and getting better at intentionally managing my responses to life after each lesson or blessing, but I digress!!!!

How often do we do that to ourselves??? How often has your first reaction been a defensive one? And what/where did that get you? I’ll tell you where it got me, it got me feeling misunderstood, invalidated, lonely, and isolated, AGAIN!!!! I am currently having to do a whole lot of unlearning and relearning about my emotional maturity and emotional capacity and what that looks like for me! Am I able to respond to life situations more healthily and not allow my old BS, (Belief System), thinking to revert me back into my shell, back into those stories I made up that just no longer serve me or support the person I have grown and still growing into!

This morning, I was snuggled on the sofa with a blanket, minding my own business, on this beautiful Sunday morning getting ready to watch Dear Me Facebook live, and I was just feeling satisfied, almost content even, in the moment reflecting on an amazing 10 days celebrating my birthday #TeamGemini!!! Spending quality time with friends and family, spending quality time with myself, and just you know living instead of just working to live! The Facebook live started, I was listening to my friend begin to speak on her week and what it is she has had to navigate this week, and it took me back to when we had to clear grandma’s house after she passed away last year. The resistance to it, the pain of it, the laughter of finding tinned food in grandma cupboards, older than her youngest grandchild LOL, and just really understanding that my grandma held onto absolutely everything! Which in honesty, holding on to so much as the amazing, strong, yet stubborn Caribbean woman she was, just didn’t always serve her, had her stuck in her ways, which I observed did always help us when trying to improve the quality of her life and living situation before she passed! I so would of loved to be able for her to be here to experience the the plans we had in place to make her life easier as she grew older! And as I was transported back to that time and process, the tears started to fall!

Now usually before starting my healing, self-love, care, and growth journey, I would have been like, gyal stop crying, what are you crying for? You are such a cry-baby, (see those old BS Belief Systems I had due to being raised to believe I’m was emotional, sensitive cry-baby, to which I was lol but I have now learned to accept my sensitivity and the power in my tears, the power of the release and the breakthrough that follows, which you’re witnessing right now if you are reading this blog whether you realise it or not, but for those who know me!!!

Sometimes, you just have to let the tears fall in amongst whatever it is you’re doing and carry on anyway, no judgment, no beating yourself up, just let the tears fall and be grateful that you’ve been lucky enough to experience something that allows you to open up and access more understanding of your AUTHENTIC self! Today I miss my grandma, I miss our family home, I miss her hugs, I miss hearing her call me sweetheart and I miss her unconditional love for me, that’s what I miss the most, whilst learning to unconditionally love myself ❤️🙏🏽

As I sat there still watching the Facebook live and was feeling all of this, my only thought became I just need a hug, I just want a hug, why is everyone in the house still sleeping when I just want and need some security and comfort in this moment to feel grounded again! Then my internal voice asked me a question: Why are you waiting for someone else to provide you comfort and security when I have been learning I am more than capable of providing this for myself if I chose to!!! Erm say what now!!! Not me having a profound thought from my higher self!!! This is just another beautiful moment of realization that spending the past 3 years investing in myself by getting a life coach, taking part in group life coaching sessions, and going through an inner child trauma healing program, the tears, the loss the vulnerability, it has been all so very worth it to arrive at this very moment, there is so much peace in gratitude and being present, so much peace.  

I’ll be giving and gifting myself a hug or two today because sometimes, we need to re-learn to self-soothe, I need to continue to learn to self-soothe, the same way I choose sometimes to take myself out of my peace with my overthinking😅 Self-soothing is a whole, different type of empowerment and freedom to just allows us to be ourselves authentically and unapologetically, that is something we all deserve in this ONE lifetime we are living!!!

When we are babies and as parents to our children now, we are advised to allow the baby to figure it out and self-soothe on occasions, if the baby is in a safe and secure environment, dry, fed, and watered…  so why as we get older do we stop learning or practicing to self-soothe and look for it externally outside of us? One of the best things I have learned for my personal growth is to hug myself if I need to for as long and as I need to and I do!

Hugs have the power to heal, and I do not know about you, but my healing is my responsibility, so why would I wait for anyone else to gift that to me?! Why would I give away that power to someone outside of me? Now, do not get me wrong, of course, a good hug from a loved one and people we care about is also needed from time to time, there is nothing like being in the arms of someone you love! I am also someone I am learning to love unconditionally, so I’m a hug it out with me, for me for as long as I feel I need it!!! Try it, give yourself that big ol hug if you have never done so and tell me how it felt, you deserve to love on you today, as I plan to continue to love on me! Namaste and love and light. xoxo

SoulFood Queen, thinking out loud! Feeding my mind, soul, and spirit, not just my belly! 🙏🏽❤️

Diary of a SoulFoodQueen💛🙏🏽💜

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“I desire a love and connection to all things, a love so deep, so passionate, so raw, a connection that goes beyond the imagination that even when physically apart, we will forever know and be one heart.” – Soul Food Queen

Soul Food has a whole new and different meaning to me now! Previously when I thought of Soul Food, I would automatically think of that good, traditional Caribbean food that my mother, great aunts, and grandmother would prepare and cook with love and joy, for those that they were about to feed. I can smell and taste the memories, hmmm hmm hm!

Baked Salmon Cutlets, Bell Peppers & Onions, Made By Yours Truly!

Now, however, when I hear, think and visualize Soul Food, I genuinely think of ALL the things that can and do feed one’s soul, in particular, my soul and all that that can entail and include, which surprisingly is not just food! Huh! Go figure, because if you know me, you know my affair with food, cooking, and feeding people is serious! LOL.

Over the past year and a half, amidst the pandemic, being made redundant unexpectedly, losing my job, and in truth, the remaining wisps of my confidence, self-worth, and value, which lets face it, were aspects of myself and being that was already on shaky grounds, but that’s another story for another day! I have since been guided into a space where I have had to look and dig deeper, into who I really am and what makes me tick because my value and self-worth sure as hell are not based or defined by any 9 to 5! I have spent most of my life letting external situations, other people, past experiences, and a survival mode negative mindset that does not serve me, dictate my existence and validate my worth! I know crazy right, that I have allowed everything outside of me to mean more to me than my own self-worth and opinion of myself! I am only now truly learning and discovering that I am certainly not the only one that has struggled with self-love and self-worth because until recently I didn’t even know what true love of self looked like or felt like! For me is about learning to be kind to myself, not to be so hard on myself, being my own cheerleader, and being true to myself no matter what that may look like to others!

So, here I am now on this amazing, messy journey of healing, changing my mindset for the better, self-love, and discovery of being my true, authentic self unapologetically and what that looks and feels like for me! And to be clear, I have fallen off a many a time on this journey and process, fallen back into the pit, back into the valley, and back to a season of self-sabotage, self-doubt, and hiding because let’s face it, it is easier to fall back into old habits and patterns and the woe is me story, then it is to be held accountable and to hold yourself accountable to changing your story and limiting beliefs, for we are truly limitless beings, however, I digress. On this journey of self-love, one of the main things and questions I personally seem to keep coming back to is, what does love look like and feel like to me? What feeds and lights up my soul and spirit?

SaltFish, Spinach Mixed With Eggplant & Okra, Pumpkin, Boiled Dumplings & Steamed Plantain & Sweet Potato

Other than feeding people and a natural desire to help people in any way I can, I have come to realise that I love and live for connections and to feel connected! Connected to self, connected to others, and connections that cannot be seen or explained. What is she going on about you may be asking and wondering! I am talking about when you hear a song for the first time, you feel it deeply, it moves you, and you are unable to explain why but it moves you into action! I am talking about when you read, discover, and research something new and it gives you an unexplainable feeling that connects to your spirit in a way that you just can’t quite explain so we constantly ignore or bypass that feeling, that indication, that call to our soul! I am talking about when you eventually push past fear to try something new and it instantly feels like you’ve been doing it your whole life and brings you so much joy and fulfillment! I am talking about when you speak to someone, share with them openly without knowing why you’re doing so, see them, feel them, and for whatever reason they make you feel at home in their presence or just in general. These are just a few of the many things that I have discovered that speak to and feed my soul. Connection, understanding, feelings, emotions, and being spirit lead, make up a part of my core of what love looks like and feels like for me and helps my light to shine bright even when at times it can feel like I have nothing left to give, share or offer to myself let alone the rest of the world.  I am learning and discovering that love is always the answer to any situation, to any question we may have and that love of self is key before we go seeking it externally! That being said, it doesn’t mean however that we cannot explore, accept and appreciate the love that is all around us in its many forms, we just have to be open to seeing and receiving it as it may not come packaged how we expect, think or are used too! For me personally, love may come packaged as a no, as rejection, as something that can feel like a failure or even redundancy! Because ultimately I am discovering on my self-love journey, that we are always being guided towards love, which can sometimes mean losing the things and people that do not serve the intention of love the universe has for us!

One of the biggest lessons I am still learning this year is life is happening for me, not to me or against me but for me!

What love of self, love of others and love in general looks like and feels like to me may not be the same for you and everyone else, but love is available to us all and surrounds all of us, we just have to be willing to question our beliefs on what that can actually look like! I say all this in hope that you pose yourself these questions that have helped change my life and perspective for the better! What does love feel and look like for you? What does feeding your soul look like and feel like for you?

Thinking out loud,  

Soul Food Queen, feeding my mind, soul and spirit, not just my belly!